party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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