I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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