Don't make out with my wife yet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize