I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
