i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
