i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
