i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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