Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
