Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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