So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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