as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
