I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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