she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
