grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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