bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
