Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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