I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
