billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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