Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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