So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
