I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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