trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
