Porn is love you can see.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize