Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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