This dress was meant to end up on your floor
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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