My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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