i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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