I accidentally had phone sex last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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