so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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