I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize