I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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