he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
