She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize