Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Randomize
