So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
