Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
