Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
