i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
