STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wear drunk well.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
