i jhust puked up my retainher.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
