Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
