Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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