I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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