God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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