She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
