I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
