Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
