I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
