someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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