I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
