Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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