im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
