So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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