I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
