Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
