I think I died a long time ago.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
