I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Acid is not a monday night drug
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
