Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
