I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
