Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
