I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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