i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
