When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
