There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
a search helicopter?!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
