I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
