I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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