should my penis look like a turkey
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
