If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
