How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
