I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
