did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
