i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
