I like my sex mixed with concussions.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
