i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
