dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
