I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
